Add Comments Comment and share this joke on Facebook or Twitter. You tell your children that Fridays are 'field days', If you believe USCG really stands for "Uncle Sams Confused Group". A joke about a Coast Guard Commander and housekeeping. #CoastGuard #navy #playing Department of Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly was caught on a hot mic Wednesday telling President Donald Trump in jest that he should use a sword on the press. Here are some jokes about the military and all its branches, specifically the Coast Guard. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Choosing a Military Service, Pros and Cons of Enlisting in the Coast Guard, Coast Guard Careers and Law Enforcement on the High Seas, Coast Guard Investigative Service Special Agent Careers. Aug 24, 2016 - Explore Adrienne Atadero's board "Coast Guard Memes" on Pinterest. To join the Coast Guard, you need a higher ASVAB AFQT score to join than you do with any other branch. What Is the Coast Guard College Student Pre Commissioning Initiative? She then let's all her beautiful blonde hair out of her ponytail and say's "Men always find me because of my bright blonde hair, the coast guard men will find us in no time!" On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. With Kevin Costner, Ashton Kutcher, Sela Ward, Melissa Sagemiller. The Admiral turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. "As you are ze new guy, I am off to ze bier keller. A German coast guard is doing maintenance on the shores of the North Sea near France. A Coast Guard officer responded, “Please give your location.” “I’m on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish.” The officer paused, “Could you repeat that?” “I-75, two miles south of Standish.” A longer pause. Personalized. - Frank Gallardo U.S. ARMY. Post Cancel. A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. One of them volunteers to swim over to mainland so that she's can get the coast guard to help them out. You catch yourself speaking to your children in the same tone of voice you use with your non-rates ... or is it the other way around? His work was on genetically enhancing marine mammals, especially dolphins. One has coast guards, the other has ghost cards. A group of people evacuating stop by his house in a big pickup truck. Funny Coast Guard Jokes Wall Art. Charles came into the bunk and and was so disgusted by the smell of the recruits that he barfed all over his boots. Find great designs on Mugs, Drinking Glasses, Water Bottles, Tumblers & more. A Canadian ship is passing thru European waters. During hurricane season one year the emergency services order the town he lives in to evacuate to avoid being swallowed up by high waters. You are not sure if there really is life out there, i.e. March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. This book has so many Coast Guard jokes, you won’t know where to start. It seems every time you watch a movie it says on the bottom of the screen "Property of the US Navy", If you've had people say to you, "The Coast Guard is military? Coast Guard Jokes An English ship is sinking just off the German coast... ”Mayday, mayday, we are sinking!” The German coast guard responds: ”Hello, zhis is ze German coast guard, … U.S. COAST GUARD ENLISTMENT OATH "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES COAST GUARD because I know being in the real military scares me. U.S. Coast Guard Diving Program Information, Learn About Coast Guard Humanitarian Assignments, U.S. Military 101 - Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard, The Correct Way to Display O-6 Rank Insignia How Eagle Should Face. The funny military jokes and on this list are for soldiers and civilians alike. Can anybody hear me? Shop CafePress for Funny Coast Guard Jokes Drinkware. dont put that shit on me! The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. If your 40-year-old boat is getting underway on Monday for a 6-week patrol and your still making plans for the weekend because you know the boat will break down within 2-3 days. A big Army car came up with a general seated in … A boat passes by him and tells him to climb aboard but he says "I have faith, God will save me.". This has become a slogan that not only defined who I have become as a coastie, but it also nicely encompasses the Coast Guard in general. Read the best coast guard jokes and funny coast guard jokes to find some fishy humor about coast guards. Alligator Shoes. That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore. Directed by Andrew Davis. "no can do" Pierre said, "We've got all we can do searching for regular-sized boats.". And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. You can get an alcohol incident and advance in the same week. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . The Best Ever Book of Coast Guard Jokes is so unoriginal, it’s original. This military humor will crack you up whether you’re in the Army, Marines, Navy, or Air Force. The Drill Instructors give you plenty of opportunities to make mistakes and laugh at yourself. He was in the privy! Then an incredulous voice asked, “How fast were you going when you hit shore?” — About.Com —– Living in hypotheticals In the state of emergency, he follows routine and calls the local coastguard: ...she's half asleep, the husband is reading the newspaper, when the phone rings. as they were each nearly finished, their barbers were about to slap the after shave on each of their faces. An Alaskan cruise is not an option for your honeymoon. Free Returns 100% Satisfaction Guarantee Fast Shipping This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. After a few beers, he finally asks the gentleman, "Pardon me, but why is your head so small?". Ed Westfall, the lighthouse program manager for the U.S. Coast Guard’s Fifth District, based in Portsmouth. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I. While the minimum requirements for all the branches change with the needs of the service, a score of a 30-40 will get a prospective recruit into any of the other services, the Coast Guard expects a minimum of 40-50 from their applicants. 176. ). Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited. You run from the kitchen, trip over the dog, fall and hit your head on the coffee table just to see a 15-second blip on TV when you hear the words "Coast Guard"! They come upon an English ship which seems to be sinking. Navy Jokes Others. Coast Guard Repatriates 110 Haitians Aboard an Overloaded Boat New Naval Strategy Zeroes in on China as Biggest Long-Term Threat to the US Congress Authorizes New Arctic Icebreakers for Coast Guard If you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. However, when Bob went to Michelle's house with … : army. I was active duty in the 25th ID out in Hawaii, so I …. The German coast guard station gets the message, RMS sea lion taking on water and we are sinking. The cat closes in upon them as the terrified baby mice back into the corner with no where to run. He says to his neighbors "I believe God will save me". His orders were clear. Attention! Click here for more information. Here is a list of punchlines. So there is a religious guy living in an area that is being greatly flooded. He replies again "God will s. A man walks into a bar and notices the gentleman next to him has a very small head. A minute passes and they get a response....Vell, vat are you sinking about? Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship. Filter. Sgt. A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed. my wife will think i was in a whore house!" A Navy admiral and a coast guard chief were in a barber shop. They all climb aboard a raft, and the blonde says "girls I know how to get us rescued." Realizing he won't be able to make it to shore, he calls the German Coast Guard. Apparently off-shore drilling is … ", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water. Give me your best Coast Guard insults. No one moved. Your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. Soldier Stands Guard. by PO Bilge Rat | Jun 28, 2017 | USCG Jokes & Humor. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He was a real visionary, or so I thought at the time. 87 RESULTS 87 Results. Very boring it was. You are still trying to figure out what TQM was all about. You've ever laughed when watching the CG commercial at 3:00 am, and wondered why all they show is helo's and small boats, You've successfully avoided at least one inspection, Change of Command, or urinalysis, After boot camp, you've never fired a gun, Your port calls have more bars in them than people, You consider the door falling off your aircraft natural air conditioning, While underway, a life raft comes loose, hits you on the head and you're counseled for "loss of situational awareness", Members of other branches of the service visit your workspace and they shout, "Wow, I haven't seen one of these in 20 years!". Rod Powers was the U.S. Military expert for The Balance Careers and was a retired Air Force First Sergeant with 22 years of active duty service. Check out this list of You Might Be a Coastie If punchlines. 20 Political Jokes That Will Get You a Good Laugh Reader's Digest Editors Updated: Jan. 26, 2020 Take a break from reading about politics in the news and check out these hilarious jokes … Suddenly, out in a distance behind the cat, mama mouse began barking "woof, woof!". Get link for other Social Networks. As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! ). Coast Guard Boats Coast Guard Ships Coast Guard Rescue Us Navy Coast Gaurd Us National Guard Military Jokes Coast Guard Cutter Utility Boat. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Personalized. Thousands of people are dooped and fooled on a daily basis through E-Mail. I dont know if the Coast Guard finds that very funny, but i guess the funny part is that i believed it. Eccentric, yet fiercely intelligent. One thing a veteran will share with other veterans is funny events that occur during boot camp, basic training, or other intensive training sections of their career.Being able to laugh at yourself and others is a key to success while enduring stressful training programs. The last one was automated 10 years ago, said Lt. j.g. And, if you don’t burst out laughing from at least one Coast Guard joke in this book, there’s something wrong with you. A man lived in Florida in a two-story house near the water. Image: U.S. Coast Guard - Military humor. Other branches obviously charge forward with "not even in the military" but the Coast Guard has definitely seen its share of life and death operations on the high seas, dealing with drug dealers, and even … I work with a guy who is joining the Coast Guard soon and I need some ammo for talking shit. That hasn't stopped anyone from making fun of the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard Commander shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! “Get up you sacks of lazy bones” he bellowed. I didn't quite catch it at first, but then he started laughing and revealed that it was a little joke that fellow military men play with the Coast Guard. See more ideas about coast guard, military humor, military memes. Article by The Balance. Most heard Quotes from the United States Coast Guard. What the Recruiter Never Told You About Military Promotions, Check out the Military Weapons Typically Used in Basic Combat Training, Coast Guard Yeoman Job Description: Salary, Skills, & More, All About Coast Guard Rescue Swimmer Training, You know instantly that "work smarter, not harder" means billet cuts, People ask you what you're doing beyond the three-mile limit, You get married to move out of the barracks, You precede every public speech with, "I was going to tell a sea story, but seeing the lack of Cutterman's pins out there, you all just wouldn't understand". 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